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Books·
Fiction & Nonfiction
I write therefore I am...
probably not coming
to your party.
Vampires of the Ottoman Empire, workout manifestos, zombie comedies, and arguments about civilization — all written because they popped into my head and wouldn't go away.
// Fiction · Comedy
Ship Happens
A Chad Cruz Zombie Adventure
From the Book
It sounded like either a discount exorcism or a restaurant where the appetizers scream.
The Dominion's Pizzeria delivery topper on my roof was held in place by bungee cords and optimism. It read "DOMINION'S ... WE DELIVER!" in letters that had faded from red to the pinkish hue of a surrendered dream. The "O" had fallen off months ago, so from certain angles it read "DOMINI N'S," which sounded like either a discount exorcism or a restaurant where the appetizers scream.
From the Book
The English language does not contain the phonetic architecture necessary.
I don't know how to describe the fart. I don't have the vocabulary. Webster doesn't have the vocabulary. The English language, which has given us Shakespeare and Hemingway and the word "moist," does not contain the phonetic architecture necessary to capture what emerged from the chief engineer's backside in the half-second after the Wrench of Doom made contact with his reproductive geography.
// Historical Fiction · Horror
Vampire's Babysitter
Historical Fiction · Horror
From the Book
The dome of the Hagia Sophia floated in the failing light like something placed there by a hand larger than any hand that builds.
The city sat on its peninsula like something that had grown out of the hill rather than been built on it. The domes caught the evening light, the golden-low light of late November on salt water, the kind that turns old stone warm from the outside in. The walls ran across the back of the peninsula in a line that was too long, too regular, too solid to be anything but a statement of permanent intent. Above everything, the dome of the Hagia Sophia floated in the failing light like something placed there by a hand larger than any hand that builds.
From the Book
He was old in the way that rivers are old, or mountain passes.
The man beside me was not old in the way that old men are old. He was old in the way that rivers are old, or mountain passes. A thing that had simply been here through everything, accumulating, not aging, continuing. And the creature who had made Orban, and who had made me, was older still. The plan we were inside was a plan made by something that thought in centuries the way I thought in days.
// Nonfiction · Fitness
What Worked For Me
Fitness · Nonfiction
From the Book
I simply laugh at the pathetic attempt to weasel out of what's coming.
Sometimes, when I wake up to work out, I don't want to. If I am acting as one entity, I end up participating in the discussion about whether I should or should not work out, with my mind presenting amazing facts like it's cold outside, my leg hurts, I worked out yesterday. If I separate myself from the rest, then I don't engage in that argument. I simply laugh at the pathetic attempt to weasel out of what's coming and lace up those workout shoes.
From the Book
Sometimes the path is the path.
By the time he was five, he could see the world around him. When he sat down on the bed next to me, poked me in the belly, and told me I was fat, it was that moment where I let go completely of everything and just started over. I do occasionally look back and wish I had found this path in my twenties, avoided a whole lot of pain, and reaped the life rewards that come with knowing my path and following it. But one look at my son, my life, and what I have now, and I know I would have gladly gone through much worse to get here, and sometimes the path is the path.
// Nonfiction
The Deal
Every Civilization Runs on a Deal. It's Time to Renegotiate.
From the Book
Every time, the tool that solved the problem became the tool that locked the door.
Agriculture did this with food. Writing did this with memory. Money did this with exchange. Law did this with justice. Every time, the tool that solved the problem became the tool that locked the door. And every time, the people inside the room were the last to notice, because from the inside, a room with good lighting and a well-stocked pantry does not feel like a trap.
From the Book
The tool has become its own operator. That has never happened before.
Every previous technology of control required human operators. Scribes had to write the tablets. Tax collectors had to visit the farms. Judges had to hear the cases. Engineers had to adjust the algorithms. AI systems adjust their own weights, billions of times per hour, without waiting for anyone to tell them what to do next. The tool has become its own operator. That has never happened before, and it changes everything about how fast the deal can tighten.
// Nonfiction
The Ledger
An Accounting of Gender Roles
From the Book
Rigid role assignment in a group that small is not a philosophy. It is a death sentence.
A band of thirty people, moving across a landscape where food appears in patches and disappears with the seasons, cannot afford passengers. Every adult who can carry, dig, track, or butcher needs to do it. Rigid role assignment in a group that small is not a philosophy. It is a death sentence.
From the Book
The debate about whether women could do the work was taking place while women were doing the work.
In early 1944, while Congress debated whether women were physically and psychologically suited for military aviation, WASP pilots were flying the B-29 Superfortress. The debate about whether women could do the work was taking place while women were doing the work.